The Seer
by SiFi270
Summary: Rose Lalonde is perfectly content with her normal and uneventful life. However, when a stray cat tells her she has to protect the Earth from invaders, she can't help but feel a little excited.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Magical girl anime parody go!

...Maybe I should watch more magical girl animes first so I have a better idea of what I'm parodying?

ABSOLUTELY NO WAY NOT WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY I AM A **M** **A** **N**

* * *

Rose Lalonde was having a fairly uneventful day.

She was perfectly okay with this, however. To her, there were few greater pleasures than walking home from school without incident and then settling down to read a book. Yes, this would have been perfect if not for one small thing.

"Rose darling," her mother called patronizingly. "_something_ appears to have followed you home. Again."

Rose didn't even need to turn around to confirm that she had once again unwittingly brought a stray cat into the house. She had been granting entrance to the very same cat for the past month now, and during that time it didn't take her long to grow particularly fond of the small creature, so she never really bothered to try and keep it out of the house after the first week.

"It won't happen again..." She rolled her eyes as she picked up the cat, knowing that her mother believed this just as much as she herself did.

Which is to say, not at all.

As soon as she was outside, she walked barely five paces from her front door before putting the cat back down again.

"I'm afraid you can't keep doing this..." She sighed. "If this goes on for too long, then eventually she's going to do something ridiculous, like buy a dog... Or several dogs... Or the Hound of the Baskervilles."

The cat stared blankly.

"Look at me..." She placed her hand against her forehead in exasperation. "I'm talking to a cat. I guess I'd better stop soon before I try to psychoanalyze you."

"I certainly wouldn't mind that."

Rose leapt back in shock. "Did... Did you just...?"

"Meow!"

"Maybe he's not the one who needs psychoanalyzing." She muttered. "I'd best be going now, before the mailbox decides to share its opinion on the matter."

"I doubt that..." The cat mused. "In my experience, the mailbox is usually the quietest thing with a mouth around here."

Rose's left eye twitched. "Please... Stop that."

"Stop what?" It tilted its head in a manner that Rose wasn't entirely sure was anatomically possible for a cat. "What's wrong? Why are you..."

Before it could finish, the Lalonde household's front door was slammed shut and locked in three different places.

"...Running... Away?"

* * *

"How very efficient..." Rose's mother complimented. "I expect to see you do that every time you come home from school."

"Absolutely..." Rose took a deep breath. "Now if you'll excuse me, I think it's best if I lie down for a while..." She made her way upstairs.

* * *

A/N: Fly away now, fly away now, fly awaaaaay...


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Since the last chapter I've read the entirety of Codename Sailor V and the first two volumes of Sailor Moon. I think I've got this now.

* * *

The next day, Rose felt considerably saner, having managed to convince herself that the incident with the cat was just a dream. By the time she'd gotten to school, a talking cat was the least of her worries, until she met with her best friend, Jade Harley.

"Hey, Rose..." She greeted, looking somewhat concerned. "Did something happen yesterday? I didn't see you on Pesterchum at all."

Rose paused before sighing. "You wouldn't believe me..." She answered. "...On second thought, maybe you would, but I'd still be embarrassed sharing it."

Jade giggled slightly. "Come on... It can't be as embarrassing as the socks ruse..."

Rose let out a growl that could easily be mistaken for the call of an eldritch beast. "I told you never to bring that up!"

"I won't..." She laughed louder. "...If you tell me what's bothering you!"

"Fine..." Rose lowered her voice to a whisper. "Have I told you about the cat that keeps following me home?"

Jade nodded.

"Well, yesterday I thought I heard it speaking to me..." She continued. "I'm trying my best to forget about it for my sanity's sake."

"Well maybe you should accept it..." Jade mused. "When the Native Americans saw the first steam train, they thought it was an illusion too. Besides, aren't you constantly reading books that deal with things too advanced for humans to understand?"

"The keyword is 'books'." Rose insisted. "And I was the only one who heard the cat, while many could confirm the steam train's presence."

"Well then maybe we should inspect it together!" Jade smiled excitedly.

Rose found herself once again responding with a defeated "Fine."

* * *

As Rose expected, it took virtually no time at all before the cat could be found behind her. Despite this, she was still very hesitant to verify whether or not it could speak, especially in front of Jade.

This quickly proved not to be a problem.

"I'm so glad I found you again!" The cat said. "It seems we'll be needing you much earlier than I thought we would."

Rose and Jade glanced at one another and then back at the cat, repeating this gesture several times before finally accepting what they had just heard.

"Needing her for what?" Jade asked. "And who's 'we'?"

The cat inspected her closely. "You're Jade Harley, am I right?"

After a shocked pause, she nodded slowly.

"You'll find out soon enough." He smiled. "I can't tell you, because I'm Rose's guide, not yours."

"Then I suppose you wish to speak to me in private." Rose concluded. "Very well. But if I'm not satisfied with the answers I receive, then I shall refuse to be a part of this.

* * *

A/N: The stupidest question you can ask yourself when writing this is "should John be a girl too?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Okay..." Rose placed the cat onto the ground and knelt down next to it. "Let's start with a simple question: What's your name?"

"I... Don't really have one." It admitted.

"Then I guess I'll have to think of one myself..." She decided, taking a moment to think. "...How does 'Jaspers' sound?"

The cat smiled brightly.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'." She smirked. "Moving on... Earlier I overheard that you are to be my 'guide'..."

Jaspers nodded.

"So what is it exactly that you'll be guiding me through?" She asked.

"That's... A long story..." He admitted. "I'll start from the beginning..."

* * *

During the earliest days of the universe, before many can remember, everything was governed by four gods, each one over a certain aspect. These included breath, light, time, and space.

Eventually, the God of Time felt that he deserved to stand above even the other gods, and so he fought and defeated every one of them, though he was not able to kill them permanently. Instead, he forced them into hiding, and none of them have been found...

Not until recently, anyway.

* * *

"I was a disciple of the God of Light." Jaspers continued. "I found him again on this planet, where he said he had a task for me. That task was to locate the person he called 'the Seer'."

"I think I 'see' where this is going..." Rose rolled her eyes. "Let me guess: I'm the chosen one and only I can bring the God of Time to justice."

"Not quite!" He winked. "There are other people who will be helping you, but they can only be 'awakened' by the other two gods. For now, it seems that you'll be on your own."

"Magnificent..." She sighed. "I take it from what you said to Jade that she'll be one of my allies under a different guide?"

Jaspers nodded. "Very perceptive! I'd expect no less from the Seer!"

"Right..." She leaned exhaustedly against the wall behind her. "So do I just wait for the others to 'awaken' and then go after the God of Time together?"

"Not exactly..." He said. "Now that the God of Light has been found, _he__'__ll_ be coming _here_. But before then, there'll be many other invaders you'll have to keep from harming this planet. And..." He paused to think. "...I think that's it! So how about it? You'll help us, right?"

"It doesn't look like I have much of a choice." Rose muttered. "I just hope I'll have more energy when this begins for..."

Before she could finish, the two heard a loud crashing sound coming from a block or two away.

"I think that might be one of them!" Jaspers declared. "We'd better go and investigate!"

* * *

A/N: But then it just turned out to be Sweet Bro bursting through a wall. Or falling down stairs.


	4. Chapter 4

Clubs Deuce was on a roll.

Being the first of his crew to arrive on Earth, he had a considerable head start, and as such could probably catch the entire planet off guard.

Now all he needed to know was where to go first.

"Hold it right there!"

Clubs turned to find what he assumed to be one of the planet's females, who was accompanied by a small creature he didn't recognize. The first thought that crossed his mind was that the female had a surprisingly masculine voice, but when he heard it again it sounded considerably more appropriate.

"Okay, what do I do now?" she asked, her head turned towards the small creature for whatever reason.

The creature spoke with the masculine voice that Clubs had heard earlier. "Well first of all, how do you know he's the enemy?"

"I never said anything about him being the enemy." she said. "But it's obvious that he's an alien, and since you're the only one I know of who knows anything about extraterrestrial life, I assume you'd know what to do in this situation."

"I _do_ know!" It nodded. "As it happens, he _is_ the enemy..."

"I knew it..." She rolled her eyes.

"He comes from a planet called Derse..." it continued. "Recently, Derse's queen has started working for the God of Time, and so I'm assuming that this guy has come here in search of the God of Light."

"That's right!" Clubs beamed. "I'm Clubs Deuce! What are your names?"

"My name is Rose Lalonde," she introduced. "and standing next to me is Jaspers. Recently, I've been assigned to protect this planet, so it's fortunate that you've appeared." She clenched her fists and held them in front of her. She threw a punch at the invader but immediately recoiled once she realized that what she thought was his skin was actually a thick shell.

"What are you doing, Rose?" Jaspers scolded. "You're supposed to transform before you fight!"

"Well you could've told me that sooner..." she grumbled. "How do I do that, then?"

"You just have to say..." He jumped onto her shoulder and whispered into her ear.

Rose's eyes narrowed. "_No_."

"It's the only way!" he insisted. "Don't look at me, I'm not the one who came up with it!"

Rose sighed and muttered the incantation under her breath, and before she knew it she was suddenly hovering in the air, her dress glowing brightly as it changed into a completely new outfit.

When she landed again, she was wearing an orange skirt that just barely reached her knees, a hooded t-shirt that was a brighter shade of orange with a yellow sun on the front, and a pair of cyan shoes.

"_No_." she repeated.

* * *

A/N: It's hard to do a five minute transformation sequence with words alone.


	5. Chapter 5

"You're..." Clubs Deuce's eyes widened. "...You're the Seer?"

Rose frowned. "You really haven't been paying attention, have..." She stopped as soon as she noticed that he was preoccupied by a passing cloud. With a sigh, she punched him again, though this time she was considerably more successful.

"Oh, I see how it is..." He reached behind his back and produced a wooden cane. "Lucky for me, I've got a hat full of bomb, a fist full of penis, and a head full of empty!"

"A fist full of..." Rose stepped back. "..._What_?"

"This thing." Clubs shook the cane slightly. "Apparently, it's called a bull penis cane. I was just as shocked as you are when I found out."

"I see..." she said cautiously. "And what about the 'hat full of bomb' you mentioned?"

"Well, sometimes I have a..."

Rose punched him again.

"Ow! ...Bomb on my head..." he continued. "...But that doesn't seem to be the case right now. Kinda wish I noticed that sooner."

Rose leaned towards her guide and lowered her voice to a whisper. "Jaspers... Is there anything else I can do besides punching things harder?"

"Of course!" He smiled. "Being chosen by the God of Light, it would be kind of silly if you didn't have light-based powers!"

"That's..." She paused to punch Clubs again. "...What I thought. So how do I do it?"

"You just need to concentrate your vision on a certain area, and light will appear there." he explained. "I suggest you start with your open palm."

"Got it." She did so, and as promised, an orb of light appeared in her hand. She quickly noticed that it felt considerably more tangible than one would expect, and tried throwing it towards her enemy, which quickly proved to be very effective.

"I think I'm beginning to get the hang of this." Rose smirked. "And I haven't even been... Actually..." She punched Clubs again. "It probably isn't such a good idea to point that out."

"I can do this!" Clubs insisted. "I just need to... Right now!" He swung the cane at Rose, who was, needless to say, able to catch it with ease. She then proceeded to lift the cane, and with it its carrier, and slammed him against the ground.

"I don't feel so good..." he murmured, slowly lifting his head from the rough asphalt beneath it.

"Now's your chance, Rose!" Jaspers called. "You just need to finish him!"

"Finish?" She raised an eyebrow. "As in kill?"

"Not necessarily!" he said. "If you do it right, it should just knock him unconscious! All you need to do is shout, 'solar flare'!"

"And then what?" Rose said. "What do we do with an unconscious alien!"

Clubs groaned as he used the cane to help him stand again.

"There's no time!" Jaspers cried. "Finish him, now!"

Rose opened her mouth...

...And hesitated.

"Rose!"

She clenched her fists and shouted. "Solar flare!"

Before any of them could process what could happening, their vision was consumed by a bright light which went away as suddenly as it appeared. Immediately, the Seer noticed that something was wrong.

"...You said I'd just knock him unconscious." she noted. "He's... Completely disappeared."

* * *

A/N: Because it's trite and clichéd for the person who talks during a fight to _be_ interrupted.


	6. Chapter 6

"I don't like this..." Jaspers muttered to himself. "Not one bit."

"I don't think I've ever seen you this serious before." Rose noted. "Is losing someone like him really that bad?"

He nodded. "He could have answered a lot of the questions we had. And if we don't know where he is, there's no guarantee he isn't causing trouble somewhere else on this planet..."

* * *

"Damn it, damn it, _damn_ _it_!" Diamonds Droog growled, punctuating each 'damn it' by slapping Clubs Deuce with a rolled-up newspaper. "If you can't beat the Seer, then what chance do you stand against a _God_?"

"I just don't know what went wrong!" Clubs lamented. "I thought I could try talking to her, but then she hit me! Then she pretended she was actually willing to talk to me, but then she stopped mid-sentence and hit me again! And then that happened a again a few times, and the next thing I know I'm back here!"

"Well I had to do _something_." Diamonds rolled his eyes. "If I left it a moment longer, you'd have probably been killed! That's another thing you screwed up. You were too hasty, and _way_ too careless! If you somehow actually managed to find the God of Light, it probably would have _obliterated_ you! Now..." He produced a coin. "The question is, should I tell Jack about this or not?"

Clubs' eyes widened. "N-No... No! No, you can't!"

"Can't I?" He threw the coin into the air, quickly catching it on the back of his hand and checking which side it had landed on. "...Turns out I can't."

Clubs breathed a loud sigh of relief.

"Which means we're going to have to try something else. Hearts?"

Hearts Boxcars gave a grunt of acknowledgement as he stepped out of the shadows.

"Someone on Earth hurt your little buddy here." Diamonds said patronizingly. "Are you gonna let 'em get away with that?"

Hearts grimaced furiously. "No. No, I'm not."

"That's exactly what I thought." Diamonds grinned. "Just don't rush into it like Clubs did. It didn't go so well for him. I'd give it... Oh, about a week or so."

Hearts nodded understandingly and returned into the shadows.

* * *

gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 18:49

GG: so how'd it go?  
TT: It started out okay... I was tasked with defeating a rather incompetent alien invader.  
GG: wow! :o  
TT: But then he mysteriously disappeared, which according to Jaspers is most likely bad news.  
GG: ...jaspers?  
TT: The cat.  
TT: On top of that, my mother wasn't too happy to see that I'd arrived home so late.  
TT: Eventually I was forced to confess that I'd been meeting with a boy.  
GG: but you didn't... did you?  
TT: No, but she was more willing to accept that story than my claims of saving the universe.  
GG: did she ask who he was?  
TT: She didn't... It seems she respects my privacy more than I'd initially believed.  
GG: did you have anyone in mind for if she did ask? ;)  
TT: ...I don't think I like what you're getting at here.

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 18:59

* * *

A/N: I've had input from a friend, and it's finally concrete that John won't be a girl.


	7. Chapter 7

When Rose arrived at school the next day, she felt that it was much more peaceful than usual. She eventually concluded that it only seemed that way compared to what she did yesterday, and today was fairly stressful in its own way.

The main source of this stress was her frequent and accidental meetings with a bespectacled boy of whom she didn't know the name. She had met him once before, during the infamous 'socks ruse', and it seemed that she had left quite an impression on him during the incident. To be more specific, he seemed to be terrified of her.

Rose found this particularly unfortunate, as she was interested in befriending this boy, or at the very least learning his name.

"Hey, Rose..." Jade tapped her friend on the shoulder, bringing her mind back to reality. "Have you heard anything about the guy you lost since yesterday?"

"Nothing." She dismissed. "Though I'm sure if he were still on Earth, he'd be all over the news by now. He had a very unique appearance."

Jade sighed. "Jaspers said I'd be a part of this, right? I hope that's soon. It sounds really exciting what you're doing."

Rose placed a hand to her chin. "...I suppose it is. Though I'm sure the addition of your carefree demeanor would be an improvement. This job frankly seems better suited for you than for me, with the bright outfits and the loud incantations."

"Those do sound like my kind of thing..." She nodded. "Come to think of it, so does the whole 'talking animal' deal. Do you think I'll have one of my own?"

"It seems likely." Rose shrugged. "But then again, while Jaspers did imply that you would have your own individual guide, that doesn't necessarily mean the guide will be like him." She gazed towards the ceiling. "You know, if someone told me two days ago that I'd soon be discussing things like this, I doubt I would have reacted politely."

* * *

"Good news, Rose!" Jaspers emerged from an alleyway and started walking next to his apprentice. "I've been in touch with the God of Light, and it's almost certain that the alien returned to his home planet!"

"I expected as much." She nodded. "Do you think he'll bother us again?"

"Not him specifically." he dismissed. "It'll probably be one of his allies instead. And they'll probably be more capable too."

"That can't be too difficult." She rolled her eyes. "Anyway..." She stopped a few yards away from the house. "I'll see you tomorrow, I assume."

Jaspers smiled cryptically. "We'll see..."

* * *

A/N: OBLIGATORY BREATHER EPISODE


	8. Chapter 8

After a week of preparation, Hearts Boxcars felt that he was finally ready to face the Seer.

"Well..." Diamonds Droog stared at him and placed a hand to his chin. "Anything you do has to be better than what Clubs did. Go ahead." He gestured towards the transportalizer on the floor.

Hearts responded with a nod and a grunt as he stepped onto the teleporter, allowing it to transport him to Earth.

"Well, well..." Rose smirked slightly as she noticed that Jaspers was once again following her. "Where have you been, then?" she asked. "I haven't heard from you all week."

"I've been working on this!" He somehow managed to produce a wand-like object with a glass orb on the end. "It's called the Seer's Torch, and it'll help you focus and amplify your light powers!"

"Aren't things like those usually saved for when my current powers aren't sufficient?" She frowned. "I'm sure whoever I end up facing will be more dangerous than may previous opponent, but until they appear we don't know how _much_ more dangerous they'll be."

"Why don't you find out?"

Rose only appeared shocked for a moment before turning to face her new opponent. "I expected you to announce your presence with a loud crash, like your friend did."

Hearts shrugged. "He must've teleported and ended up somewhere in midair. Wouldn't put it past..." He stopped and punched her, knocking her to the ground.

"I really... Should have seen that coming..." she groaned. "Let's... Let's shed some light on the matter..."

With those unenthusiastic words, she transformed from her normal state to that of the Seer, allowing her to return to her feet. "Would you like to try that again?" She punched him before he could answer, but unlike her or even Clubs, he barely even flinched.

"...Right." She frowned. "...You're the obligatory 'big one'. The fact that I'm facing you so early makes me dread to imagine the others."

"Don't worry about 'em." Hearts smirked as he produced a large axe. "Yer never gonna see them." He brought the weapon down to the ground, leaving a noticeable crack in the road and causing Jaspers to run for cover behind a street light.

"Well, it's certainly more impressive than a cane..." she remarked, forming a ball of light between her hands. "But I think I can still handle it." She threw the orb towards him, causing him to stagger slightly before regaining his footing.

"That the best you've got?" he taunted. "Ya throw like a girl!"

"There may be a reason for that." Rose said. "I'll give you a moment to figure it out. Jaspers!"

Jaspers nervously poked his head out from behind the street light. "...Yes?"

"Throw me the torch." she demanded. "Like a girl."

* * *

A/N: Because anything can become a kickass one-liner. Unholy _this_!


	9. Chapter 9

As Rose caught the Seer's Torch, something incredible happened.

She wasn't quite sure how to describe the experience, but she had a feeling that human beings weren't supposed to feel this powerful.

"Is that it?" Hearts scoffed. "That's the most ridiculous weapon I've ever..." He interrupted himself with a cry of pain as a bolt of light knocked him down to the ground.

"Oh, come on..." Rose rolled her eyes. "It can't have been _that_ bad. After all, I throw like a girl."

Hearts returned to his feet and glared at her. "So I underestimated you a little. Everyone makes mistakes. Fer example, you made a mistake when you hurt my little buddy."

"Really now?" Rose smirked as she pointed the Torch towards him. "To be honest, I don't really consider a decision to be a mistake until something's gone wrong as a consequence of that decision."

Before the idle banter could continue, she fired another bolt of light from the Torch, but Hearts was more prepared this time, and, while he was still visibly affected, he managed to retain his balance.

"I could do this all day." Rose said. "It's actually not too different from when I fought the other one."

"His name..." Hearts rolled up his sleeves and began to charge towards her. "...Was Clubs! Deuce!"

Rose opened her mouth to respond, but instead found herself coughing violently as Hearts punched her in the stomach. He then grabbed her by the collar and threw her down to the ground, stepping on her torso to keep her pinned.

"Looks like I'm gonna have to teach you some manners..." He sneered. "First of all, you refer to your superiors by their proper title. Got it?"

"Got it." She smiled defiantly. "Asshole."

Hearts put more pressure on her, causing her to cry out in pain.

"Okay, you asked for it." he said, reaching into his pocket and producing a pair of dice. "Usually, I don't have to use these. You wanna see what happens if I do?"

"I assume it depends on what number they land on." Rose said calmly.

Hearts chuckled menacingly. "There's one thing you don't realize, kid. The reason they call me Hearts Boxcars is because I _always_ roll boxcars!"

He tossed the dice onto the ground.

Jaspers' eyes widened in panic.

Rose looked rather bored.

The dice landed.

Both of them displayed a one.

Rose felt a mildly unpleasant aching sensation in her left arm.

With an exasperated sigh, she used her other arm to grab Hearts' ankle and stood up, bringing him down to the ground in the process. Without a moment of hesitation, she cast another bolt of light towards him from the torch, which seemed to prevent him from getting up.

"I... I don't get it..." He gasped. "I _always_ roll boxcars..."

"It seems that fortune has taken my side this time..." she smirked. "Now, I suppose I'd better finish this quickly..." She raised her hands into the air. "Solar flare!"

Immediately, a bright flash of light occurred, leaving only Rose and Jaspers behind as it disappeared.

"You know..." she said. "I at this point it'd be more worrying if they _were_ still there after I said that."

* * *

A/N: School is really slowing down my writing. Luckily, the common cold is here to rescue me!


End file.
